Have a Sober New Years

What do you remember from your New Years’ Parties of the past? Do you remember who you were with? Do you remember who (or if) you kissed someone to ring in the new year?

I can. Well, Sort of. As I get older, I seem to forget. But I can honestly say that the day after each new year, I remeber what I did the night before.

Why? Because I am a teatottler.

That’s right. I have never tasted an alcoholic beverage in my entire life. I am STONE COLD SOBER.

Actually, I just don’t get the drunk thing. What is so exciting about drinking yourself to the point you don’t know what is going it? What is the point of drinking yourself at the company party to the point that you are the main topic of conversation for weeks? Why would you want to wake up the next morning with a hang over? I just don’t get it.

Anyway, we will be celebrating another new year this year, and I expect we will have a lot of fun. Chips, crackers, soda, veggie tray, fire works and more, but no alcohol.

We will have a lot of fun! But the best part is that it will be a memory that I will have. Not some memory of people telling me how I puked my guts out. I will also remember that I kissed my wife first thing after 2005. Just like the past 10 years. And there will be no suspicions that it was my wife’s sister.

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